Not “invasion” day as some come to call it. This day never used to be hated the way it is now. It is a celebration of the country as a whole, not any fucked up events that happened in the past. Yeah, there are some wankers who give people a reason to call it this due to their fucked up, stupid…
Today some of my friends visited me and entered into my household now this is a good thing since I love company and suprises.
But and as with most things in life there is one the bad side to this visit was that they saw inside and even ventured into my room.
This is such a big deal for me since although my room does not give away much about who I am and how I work it still provides a small glimpse of who I am withought the walls and masks.
And that truly upsets me because due to my life up to this point I have been shown time and time again that if you let anyone know anything about you then you will be left vulnerable to when they decide to use it against you.
See thats part of the reason why I will never publish a single detail about my age, gender and even who my friends are for even that is something that could and would be exploited.
As I was wondering through life today my eye was caught by a ladder of scars that seemed to crawl up her arm.
I accidently locked eyes with the owner of said arms and she was positively radiant, beautiful in every sense of the word, Unfortunately almost a second after eye contact was made she looked straight down and covered both of her arms and fled from the scene.
I feel bad about making her feel self conscious but I feel even worse knowing that due to the presence of some small red lines she has come to believe that she is not beaautiful.
Now I know she will never see this message but if by some massive coincidence she somehow manages to stumble across this in the future then I want her to know that her scars don’t subtract from her beauty but rather adds to it
I want to be able to cry, I wish I could share myself with others withought the constant crippling fear of rejection or the fear of it being used against me and most of all I just want to be able to feel something, happy, sad, angry, anything to replace the nothingness
Simple tonight I a self serving, socially inept kid with little to no understanding of other peoples relationships managed to help ease a friends pain over their relationship or as of recently lack of.
Sure I was not able to do it by saying that there will be others and that not all people are complete utter assholes but I was still able to ease their pain in the way that comes easiest to me by using humour and threats of violence towards the ones that wronged them.
now this may not seem to be the best path and will probably only be a quick fix to their ongoing suffering but hey tonight I did my part and if the situation arises again I will slip back into my familiar role until my presence is no longer needed